~Cyclical Conversation~

While driving to the park to ride Eamon's new bike...

Eamon:  "Daddy said there's going to be a 200 mile bike race next October."

Me:  <laughing>  "Oh, yeah?  Are you thinking of signing up?"

Eamon:  <nonchalantly>  "Yeah."

Me:  <surprised>  "Oh, really?  You think you could do 200 miles on a bike?"

Eamon:  <matter-of-factly>  "Mom, it's in October so I'd have plenty of time to train."

Wow, I wonder where he learned that phrase! ;)

Yeah, somehow I don't think he's ready for this yet... ;)

~Salted Conversations~

On a recent visit to Rowan's Subway...

Me:  "Ok, I'll buy everyone ONE cookie.  Eamon, what kind do you want?"

Eamon:  "Gingerbread.  And these sea salt and vinegar potato chips."

Me:  "What?!  You've never had those and you don't even like stuff like that!"

Eamon:  <eyes glazed over with longing>  "I know but I think I really would like them now."

Me:  "You can either have the chips or the cookie, not both."

Eamon:  <resolutely>  "Ok.  Then I'll take the chips."

Me:  <surprised>  "Alright."

Later in the car...

Eamon:  <rapturously>  "These are so good!"

Me:  "Glad you like them."

Eamon:  "Um, mommy, can I have some water?"

Me:  "Sure, here you go."

Eamon:  "It's important to stay hydrated while you're eating these kinds of chips or you could get deyhydrated."

Me:  "Um, I guess..."

Mark:  <talking to Eamon>

Eamon:  "Uh, huh... <sadly>  My chips are almost gone."

Mark:  "Did you hear me?"

Eamon:  "I'm just going to stick my face in the bag so I can inhale their scent even though they're gone now."


My boy and his obsession with food.  I can't even imagine what the teenage years will bring. ;)

~Conversations With Husbands~

Christmas-Eve Eve

Me:  "So you're going to use the smoker to cook the Christmas chicken tomorrow?"

Mark:  "Yeah, it'll be fine."

Me:  <worriedly>  "Has anything really ever been successfully cooked with that smoker?

Mark:  <confidently>  "Yeah, I've done it a thousand times!"

Me:  <with certainty>  "You have not!"

Mark:  "Well, it was at least twice."

A thousand times, two times... really, who's counting? Oh, right, the wife!  ;) 

Let's hope this isn't what our X-mas chicken will look like. ;)

~Bagged Conversations~

While prepping for the school day...

Mark:  "Eamon, which lunch bag do you want to take?  The USC one or the Westwood one?"

Eamon:  "Westwood."

Mark:  "Yeah, that one seems to have a little more insulation..."

Eamon:  "No, it makes a better robot voice sound when I wave it in front of my mouth when I'm talking."

Mark:  "You have very weird criteria for choosing a lunch bag."

Eamon:  "Yeah."

~Fashionable Conversation~

While doing some Christmas shopping today...

Me:  "Eamon, don't I look cute in my new yoga pants?!"

Eamon:  "Mmph."

Me:  "Come on!  They've got unicorns and rainbows on them and I do look cute in them!"

Eamon:  "Mmph."

Me:  <teasing>  "Ok, now is when you're supposed to say, 'You're the most beautiful mom in the world'!"

Eamon:  "Mmph."

Me:  <still teasing>  "Ok, if I'm not the most beautiful mom in the world, who could possibly be more beautiful than me?"

Eamon:  <matter-of-factly>  "A fashion stylist."

He couldn't tell me what a fashion stylist looks like, does, or wears but, he was certain they must be beautiful. ;) 

~Randomized Conversations~

Realizing that Eamon had added something to his chore chart on the refrigerator...

Me:  "Did you write, "EAT," on your list of chores?!"

Eamon:  "Yep."

Me:  "So eating is now one of your daily chores?"

Eamon:  "Yep."

Me:  "Of course it is..."

========================================================================

On the way to gymnastics...

Eamon:  "You know, I knew that I was smart even back when I was a little kid."

Me:  "Oh, yeah?  And how did you know that?"

Eamon:  "When I was in daycare, the other kids and I would ask each other math problems."

Me:  "And that's how you knew you were smart?"

Eamon:  "Well, we'd ask ourselves questions like 10+10 and 40+40 and they were really hard at first but then, as we got smarter, the questions got easier."

Me:  "Uh-huh..."

It's times like this I feel like Westley from The Princess Bride talking to Vizzini:  "Truly, you have a dizzying intellect..."  

============================================================

After bringing the car to a sudden stop in stop-and-go traffic...

Eamon:  <rude bodily noise>  "Wow, that just scared all the gas out of me!"

Me:  *sigh*  <rolls window down>

========================================================================

~Car Ride Conversations~

While in the car last night with Mema & Erica, driving around to see Christmas lights...

Eamon:  <forgetting that he's all tough and manly, leans over to snuggle with me in the back seat>

Erica:  "Aww, that's so cute!"

Me:  "Watch this:  Eamon, I love you!"

Eamon:  <realizing his sensitive side is showing, he quickly pulls back to his side of the car>  "Ew, gross!"

Me:  <to Erica>  "Yeah, he doesn't usually show affection when you want him to.  You have to say things like 'bodily fluids,' 'flatulence, 'gas' to get him to show any interest."

Me:  <to Eamon>  "Eamon, gas!"

Eamon:  <earnestly>  "I can't right now.  I'm not loaded."

Me:  <laughing hysterically>  "It wasn't a command!"

~Theatric Conversations~

After finding out about an upcoming daycamp for kids...

Me:  "Eamon, guess what?!  My school is holding a theatre camp for kids your age over winter brea..."

Eamon:  "No."

Me:  "Wait, listen to what they're going to have going on:  take-home craft..."

Eamon:  "No."

Me:  "Musical theatre..."

Eamon:  "No."

Me:  "Creative dramatics..."

Eamon:  "No."

Me:  "Hip-hop dance lessons..."

Eamon:  "No."

Me:  "A snack and a drink..."

Eamon:  "N... wait, what kind of drink?"


Priorities are important - and we know what Eamon's are! ;) 

By the way, Mark tried to convince him that the snacks would be beer and pretzels because he said that's what theatre people eat.  However, I'm pretty sure theatre people are more likely to eat wine and cheese!

~Six Inch Conversations~

When Eamon found out that we were going to eat lunch at Rowan's Subway today...

Eamon:  <hopefully>  "Can I please have my own 6 inch sub?!  You said I could the last time we went there!"

Me:  <knowing that the kids' meal battle has been lost forever and envisioning more and more of my paycheck slipping away for food purchases> "Yes, fine, you can have a 6 inch sub."

Eamon:  "WOOHOOO!  I'm gonna' have a six inch salami and pepperoni sub all to myself! When are we going?"

Me:  "We'll go there in about an hour."

Eamon:  "Great!  I'm just going to make myself some peanut butter crackers to hold me over until then."

Me:  "You just had breakfast!  And then a smoothie!  You can't wait an hour until lunch?!"

Eamon:  "Nope."

Maybe now that Rowan's a workin' gal, she can steal - er, bring home - food from her job to support her brother's habit. ;)  

Double the meat and minus the veggies 

and Eamon would be happy! ;)

~Cut-day Conversations~

Picnicking and hiking were the order of the day since Eamon and I were both out of school.  We decided to hit Which Wich up for some easy-to-take sandwiches but then a horrible realization dawned on me... Eamon had outgrown the kids' meal!

Me:  "Ok, now with the 7 inch sub, I usually just eat half and save the other half for later so you can do that too since it's probably going to be too much for you."

Eamon:  <looking blankly at me as he shovels in chips>  "Nah, I'm just going to eat the whole thing now."

Me:  "What?!  Are you sure?  Because I think you'll be full since you also have half a bag of chips, a cookie, and a drink."

Eamon:  <steadily eating> "No, I won't be full."

Minutes later...

Me:  "I can't believe you at all of that!"

Eamon:  "I would eat the other half of your sandwich too if it didn't have gross toppings on it [i.e. banana peppers and sriracha sauce]."

Me:  <worriedly> "I am in so much trouble once you hit puberty."

Later at the state forest...

Me:  "Which trail do you want to take?"

Eamon:  <looking excitedly at the map>  "Let's take the take the bike trail because it says it's more difficult!"

Me:  "If you're sure..."

Eamon:  "Yes, because you know I'm like a baby mountain goat!  Let's GO!  Get behind me because I'm the map navigator!  YAAYYY!"

Forty-five minutes later...

Eamon:  <moaning> "Is it almost over?  I can't believe you took me here.  I could be home on the futon right now watching TV."

So much for my baby-mountain-goat map-navigator!  He did persevere through the whole two hour hike though!  ;)  (He wants everyone to know that the sign estimated our trail taking two and a half hours, which we completed in just two hours!)

~A Wealth of Conversations~

While discussing the future...

Eamon:  "When I become a famous scientist, I'm going to be rich.  So I'm going to have a mansion of course."

Me:  "Oh.  Well, of course.  What exactly are you going to put in your mansion?"

Eamon:  "I'm going to have a room for my dogs.  And I'm going to have a butler."

Me:  "A butler?  To answer the door for you?"

Eamon:  <horrified>  "No!  I can answer the door myself!"

Me:  "Will the butler walk your dogs?"

Eamon:  <indignant>  "No!  A good dog owner walks his own dogs!"

Me:  "True... but then what would the butler do for you?"

Eamon:  "Bring me stuff."

Me:  "So you can open your own door and walk your own dogs but you can't get your own stuff?"

Eamon:  "Well, I could but that's will be the butler's job."

Me:  "I see..."

Yep, sounds legit. ;)

~Outdoorsy Conversations~

It was so nice out Sunday morning that I decided to make my sister proud and do some outdoor yoga. Why I thought I needed to make Eamon enjoy the fresh air at the same time as me, I don't know...

First ten minutes of yoga:  Eamon bounced a ball off the side of the house repeatedly, right over my head and jumped back and forth onto the deck where I was practicing, nearly falling on my yoga mat at least once.  

Second ten minutes of yoga:  Eamon talked non-stop about all the characters in Mine Craft and Pokemon games (i.e. "...and then Pikachu got fire breath and I lost ten life points but then Emu-chu squirted him with water, which is when a creeper snuck up on him and then..."  

Final ten minutes of yoga:  Eamon sat in the nearby tree by the deck and "shot" me with his toy laser gun.  

So while I didn't get the full relaxation benefits of the yoga, I did at least get a good workout.  ;) 

~SleepyTime Conversations~

While discussing sleep, being tired, and the sheer amazingness that is naptime (in my opinion!)...

Eamon:  "When I was little, I didn't know about sleep so I just layed there with my eyes open."

Me:  "Um, what!?  You're trying to tell me that because you didn't know how to sleep when you were little, you just didn't do it?  For years."

Eamon:  <with a straight face>  "Yeah, I would lay down at night and just stare at the ceiling until morning but I didn't sleep."

Me:  "I see.  So once you learned about sleep as you got older, then you started doing it?"

Eamon:  "Yeah."

Me:  "And when did you finally understand how sleep works?"

Eamon:  "When I was four."

Me:  "Ah.  Well, that would certainly explain your first two years when I got about three solid hours of sleep per night..."

This is three-year-old Eamon, definitely not sleeping.  

You can tell that he is not asleep by the blur of his hands as he is actively coloring - 

with his neck bent at such an angle as to catch the light on his child-prodigy-like artwork. ;) 

~Yogic Conversations~

While trying to get Eamon to do yoga with me...

Eamon:  "I'm just going to lay here and do Dead Pose(TM)."

Me:  "You mean Corpse Pose?  Because you need to lay on your back to do that."

Eamon:  "No, I mean Dead Pose(TM).  This is Dead Pose(TM)."

Me:  "So you're making up your own yoga poses now? 

Eamon:  "Uh-huh.  And this one is Falling Moon(TM)."  

[This was after I'd attempted to get him to try Half Moon Pose.]

Me:  "Nice.  You wanna' try Peeing Dog Pose(TM)?"

Eamon:  "There's a pose called Peeing Dog(TM)?!"

Me:  "Well, there's a Downward Facing Dog Pose and a Three-Legged Dog Pose so I guess having your leg bent while in Three-Legged Dog would be Peeing Dog(TM) Pose."

Eamon:  "Cool!  Like this?!"

Me:  "Looks good!"

Eamon:  "How about "Broken-Armed-Child's Pose(TM)!?!"

Me:  "Nice!"

Eamon:  "And now for Awkward-Airplane-Crash Pose(TM)!"

Me:  "Ok, but I really need to get back to my own yoga now..."

Is it any wonder that I have to leave the house and pay to get any real yoga done? ;)  

~Tomato-To-mah-to Conversations~

While in Food Lion today... 

Me:  "Eamon, which kind of pasta sauce should we get:  Tomato Basil or Olive Oil Garlic?"

Eamon:  "The second one.  I don't want any tomato in mine."

Me:  <moment of stunned silence>  "Dude.  You do realize that this whole jar of sauce is nothing but tomatoes, right?"

Eamon:  <look of horrified disappointment>

And now that Eamon is witnessing me type this, he wants our audience to know that he was only joking and knew the whole time that pasta sauce is made entirely from tomatoes. ;)

~Changing Conversations~

The following conversations, which were overheard in department store changing rooms, make me soo glad that Eamon's toddler days are over!  ;) 

The Mom:  "Please stop that.  No!  Let mommy finish trying these things on and then I PROMISE we will go kick the soccer ball.  Just a few more minutes..."  <sudden scuffling and loud noises>  

The Kid:  <thwarted but unhurt> "Stop that, mommy! That hurt!"

The Mom:  <exasperated> "Do you know why I had to pull you up?  BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO SEE A LITTLE BOY CRAWLING INTO THEIR DRESSING ROOM WHILE THEY'RE CHANGING CLOTHES!"

Several minutes later...

The Kid:  <in a sing-song voice> "Mommy...!  Look at me...! I'm wearing your shoes!  I am such a pretty little boy!"  

At another department store in another dressing room on the same day...

A little girl and her dad were [obviously] standing right outside the dressing room waiting for the mom when this one-sided conversation took place...

Little Girl:  "DADDY, I'M GOING TO STAY OUT HERE WITH YOU, OK?  BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO SEE MOMMY NAKED!  IS MY VOICE LOUD?  MY VOICE SOUNDS LIKE LIQUID!"

Whatever that kid is on, she needs to share with the moms! ;) 

~Heated Conversations~

After picking up a bag of Lay's new potato chips...

Eamon:  "Can't we get something else?  I don't like those!"

Me:  "You don't know if you don't like them b/c you've never tried them.  Plus, if you don't like them, more for me, Dad, & Rowan."

later...

Eamon:  <hesitantly> "Ok, I'll try one...Hmm, not ba... AAAUUGH!  HOT! HOT!  NEED WATER!  WATERRRRRRR!"  <runs around the kitchen like he's on fire>

Me:  "Milk would be better."

Eamon:  <finally making it to the fridge and reaching for the milk, stops suddenly>  "Oh.  Actually, I don't need that anymore.  Hmm, once your mouth stops being on fire, they're actually pretty good."

Eamon's ringing endorsement: 

Once your mouth stops being on fire, they're actually pretty good. ;) 

UPDATE:  We all ended up enjoying these chips.  Some of us a little too much like when Mark decided to share them with his eyeballs.  Yes, you read that right.  Mark was so overwhelmed with the wonderful wasabi ginger flavor that he thought it would be a good idea to stick his fingers immediately from his mouth into his eyeballs, in the process of putting in his contacts.  Much shouting and cursing ensued.  And then the exact thing happened the next day too!  Several days later, the following conversation took place.

Mark:  "Hey, are there any of those chips left?  They're pretty good."

Me:  <feeling slightly guilty at having eaten the last few crumbs minutes before> "Umm, nooo..."

Mark:  "I thought I just saw the bag in the kitchen?"

Me:  "Well, there are none left now."

Mark:  <irritated> "I only got to have two chips."

Me:  "And you decided to shove them both in your eyes so you're not allowed to have those chips."

And who wins the Ultimate-Blame-Deflection Game (for this round anyway)?  ME!  ;) 

~Buggy Conversations~

After discovering a furry little visitor on our deck this morning...

Eamon:  "Mommy, can you come here a second?  Look at this!"

Me:  "Ooh, cool catepillar!  Uh-oh, looks like Ziggy wants to see what you found..."

Eamon:  <rushing to intercept our curious canine>  "No, Ziggy, NO!  Back!  BACK!  You can't come this way or you'll squish it.  STOP, IT'S A LIVING CREATURE!"

I was touched that my little man would be so adamant about saving this little guy from certain doggy doom so I picked up a stick to see if I could relocate him...

Eamon:  "Ooh, a stick!  Can I poke him with it after you?!"

Hmm, maybe he's not so concerned about this living creature after all...

Me:  <indignantly>  "I was not going to poke him with it!  I was going to use the stick to move him off the deck!"

Eamon:  "Oh.  Yeah, me too.  Can I move him with the stick after you?"

Me:  *sigh*  "Fine, you do it but be gentle with him!"

Eamon:  "I will!"

~Elephantine Conversations~

While discussing the distant galaxy that is on course to collide with ours - in 3 billion years...

Eamon:  <pensively>  "We need a giant force field...  When I grow up, I'm going to build one!  And I'm going to test it with an elephant."

Me:  "You're going to throw an elephant at your force field to see if it works?"

Eamon:  "No!  I mean, how would I even pick it up?"

Rowan:  "You're planning to build a giant force field but how to pick up and launch an elephant is what you're worried about!?"

Eamon:  <thoughtfully>  "Well, I could use cranes..."

Me:  "The real issue here is that you're willing to kill an elephant to test out your force field."

Eamon:  "What?!  No, he'll just bounce off the force field and be fine."

Me:  "An elephant flying through the air is not going to be in good shape when it hits the ground."

Eamon:  "Not if there are pillows and mattresses under him when he lands."

Whew!  Now I can rest easy knowing that PETA will not come after my little inventor! ;) 

T'eed Off Conversations

While discussing the T-shirt Eamon made at camp...

Mom:  "Did you ask Eamon about the shirt that he made?"

Me:  "A little but he didn't explain much.  What are those things he painted?"

Rowan:  "He just says they're 'science.'"

Me:  "Huh.... <to Eamon>  Hey, buddy, that is a cool shirt that you made!  What's on it?"

Eamon:  "Science."

Me:  "Well, yeah, I can see that it's science-y but what are those things?  Circuits or machinery or...?"

Eamon:  <deadpan>  "Sci-ence."

My little smarty pants! :P 

Packing Wars: Part fjórir

Some last minute random travel thoughts...

For several days, I have been tearing the house apart trying to find a headlamp to use for the camping excursion during the last leg of the trip.  Sitting around a campfire is nice but anyone who's ever camped knows how imperative it is to have some kind of mobile light source for that most important of camping activities - making it from the tent to the bathroom and then back to the correct tent!  A flashlight would do but a hands-free light is best because for some reason, flashlights seem to jump from my hands and end up in the nearest water source so you can imagine how a sleepy middle of the night campground bathroom trip would end!  Finally, I had my Eureka moment yesterday when I discovered one of the missing camping headlamps in the junk basket on the counter.  (In case you're wondering, we have a junk basket, as well as its older sister, the junk drawer, and a little cousin, the junk tray. What can I say? We're thorough in our junk storage.)  As I proudly held the headlamp up, basking in the satisfaction of discovery, it dawned on me that I would be camping in Iceland.  In the summer. When Iceland does not get dark at night.  Screw it.  I spent so much time looking for the darned thing, it's going in the suitcase anyway!   

And then there's the rain coat/poncho issue.  I kept asking Mark if he's packed one, if he even still owns one and let's just say rain ponchos haven't been high on his list of priorities.  With one packing day left, I asked again and this conversation happened:

Mark:  "No, I don't have one but I checked the weather channel and it's not going to rain."  

Me:  <blinking in confusion> "We'll be in Scotland and England for TWO WEEKS and the weather channel has told you that it won't rain at all in Scotland and England for TWO WHOLE WEEKS?!" 

Mark:  <unconcerned> "Well, it's not going to rain on race day so that's the important thing and I think there was a 30 percent chance of rain some other day."  

Me:  "It's Scotland and England.  I've been told that the only constant there IS rain and if we take nothing else, we should have an umbrella and/or poncho for when it DOES rain because it always rains because it's Scotland and England!"  

I'm not sure that conversation had the desired effect because who's going out to buy another poncho?  No, not Mark, me. :P  

So the packing is almost at an end.  I think.  Although, how the heck is this...

supposed to fit into this?  *deepbreath*  I can do this!  I think.

~Heated Conversations~

After receiving an amazing hooded towel in the mail for his birthday from the Rosenberry's...

Eamon:  "This is awesome!"

Me:  "I know!  And I'm pretty sure Ms. Chevon sewed that all herself, which makes it even more special."

Eamon:  <excitedly wrapping it around himself>  "And it's so warm!"

Me:  "Um, yeah, but it is June so let's stick to using it at bath and pool times."

Eamon:  <wrapping it even tighter around himself>  "Uh-huh..."

Me:  "Seriously!  I'd rather you not give yourself heat stroke right now."

Later that same day...

Eamon:  "I'm a Sith Lord!"

The listening is not strong with this one. :P

~Injured Conversations~

After playing outside while I did yardwork...

Eamon:  "Mom, can I have a band-aid?"

Me:  <absently>  "Um, I guess... Wait!  Don't you have one on already?"

Eamon:  "But it's coming off."

Me:  "It looks fine to me."

Eamon:  "I can prove it's bleeding."

Me:  "Why would you need to prove that it's bleeding."

Eamon:  <pulls the band-aid half-way off>  "See? Blood!"

Me:  <squinting> "Where?!  I see a tiny red mark like maybe you scraped it a little bit."

Eamon:  <puts his knee in my face and triumphantly points to tiny brownish smudge on the band-aid itself>  "See?!  So can I have a band-aid?"

Me:  "No!  You may have squeezed one drop of blood out of that tiny scrape but it's obviously NOT bleeding now so that would be a waste of a band-aid."

Eamon:  *sigh*

Comes upstairs a little bit later with a smile on his face and I see this...

Eamon's homemade band-aid made from the finest, 

most antibacterial toilet paper and scotch tape that money can buy!

Eamon:  "Mom, can I have the crutches?"

Me:  "Aaaaarrgh!"

~Skinned Conversations~

While discussing some recent skin problems Eamon was having...

Eamon:  *sigh*  "I wish I was already in Kentucky."

Me:  "Why?"

Eamon:  <matter-of-factly>  "Because Aunt Erica's there."

Me:  <smiling>  "Ah, and you think Aunt Erica will have some magic oil to make your skin smooth again?"

Eamon:  "Well, she is a massage therapist so, yeah!"


Ok, the kid has got a point - thanks to her massage therapy, yoga practice, natural lotion products, and now doula services, Erica is quickly cornering the market on alternative medicine!  

Erica and her all-natural lotion bars

~Dolled Up Conversations~

While watching cartoons this morning, a fast food commerical came on, advertising mini American Girl dolls as the kids' meal prize...

Eamon:  <disgusted>  "Ugh!  Those are horrible!"

Me:  <teasing>  "So you're saying you'd like one of those for your birthday?  That can be arranged!"

Eamon:  <horrified>  "NO!  I'm a BOY!"

Me:  <seriously>  "Boys can have dolls too."

Eamon:  <chastened>  "I know... but not me!  I don't like dolls and I don't want one!"

Later as I was getting something out of Eamon's closet, I found something from a long time ago... a doll that belonged to Eamon!

Me:  <sing-songy>  "Oh, Eamon...  Come see what I found!  It's your... doll baby!"

Eamon:  <horrified> "What?!  I don't have a doll?!"

Me:  "Oh, but you did!  See?  It's your Baby Paul(TM) Potty Training Doll!"

Eamon:  <looking on in silent horror at his anatomically-correct boy baby doll with its doll-sized diaper & potty chair accessories>    

Mark:  "Dude, it's not a big deal.  I had a few dolls when I was a kid too.  Besides, if it weren't for Baby Paul, you'd still be peeing on yourself."

Eamon:  <laughs hysterically at that last bit>

Baby Paul was a life-saver when it came to potty-training but not so much because Eamon couldn't figure out the mechanics of peeing in the potty.  It was the competition that did it for him.  It soon became apparent that 2 year old Eamon could care less about Baby Paul - or himself - peeing in the potty.  So I made identical sticker books for Eamon and Baby Paul, with a picture of each on the toilet on the front of their own personal sticker book.  Every time one of them peed on the potty, a sticker got added to the album and that's when things got interesting.  Eamon couldn't stand that Baby Paul was wracking up more stickers than him!  He was a toddler on a mission - to destroy baby Paul's sticker-collecting record.  Yay for competitive peeing!  ;)

~Where the Fun Never Ends~

In the car after Tae Kwon Do today...

Eamon:  <excitedly> "Not too much longer until I'm going to be at Mema's house!  For the whole... well, a long time!"

Me:  "Yep, not long at all.  So are you going to miss Dad and I while we're gone?"

Eamon:  <hesitantly>  "Yeah."

Me:  <trying to lighten the mood>  "So do you think you'll get tired of Mema while we're gone?"

Eamon:  <with conviction>  "No, the fun never ends with Mema."

Me:  <laughing>  "True!  And there are the cats to keep you entertained!  Do you think you're up for cleaning up cat poop?"

Eamon:  <horrified>  "What!?"

Me:  "Well, she does have three cats so I'm sure you'll need to help clean up poop - or vomit - at least once."

Eamon:  *sigh*  "Well, at least they are really funny like that picture of Felix eating Mema's plants."

Yes, who wouldn't want to clean up after them 

when they vomit up mom's Mother's Day flowers?;)

~Mother's Day Conversations~

When I woke up this morning and attempted to pry Eamon's attention from the TV screen...

Me:  "So, is there anything you'd like to tell me this morning?"

Eamon:  "Umm, no?"

Me:  "Really?  Nothing?  Nothing at all?"

Eamon:  <thinking harder>  "Uhh, when's breakfast?"

Me:  *sigh*  "How about 'Happy Mother's Day'?"

Eamon:  "Oh, yeah.  Happy Mother's Day.  So when's breakfast?"

later...

Me:  "What should we do when we get home?  Or rather what should you do for me since it's my special day and I'm not supposed to work."

Eamon:  <innocently>  "You can work."

Me:  "It's Mother's Day!  I'm not supposed to work!"

Eamon:  <litigiously> "But on Mother's Day, moms should do whatever they want so if you want to work, you can."

Me:  "Yes, I know I can work today if I wanted to but I don't want to.  So are you going to help do some work for me today?"

Eamon:  <grudgingly>  "Yes, I'll help do some work for you today.  But you know if you change your mind and do want to work, you can."

Eamon, patron saint of the Women's Liberation Movement... ;) 

~Doggy Conversations~

While watching a show about dogs...

Eamon:  "Aww, look at that dog!"

Me:  "Yep, he's cute."

Eamon:  "Yeah, he looks like Max but with Ziggy's depression."

Me:  <confused>  "You think Ziggy's depressed?"

Eamon:  "Well, she always has that sad look on her face so, yeah."

Me:  "I think that's just how she looks."

Eamon:  "No, I think she's depressed."

I think Ziggy perfected the "sad puppy" look long ago and has been using it to sucker us for years!  Depressed doggy or conniving canine?  You be the judge!

Sad Ziggy pup is sad that she has too much to eat!

~Murderous Conversations~

Ok, this post really doesn't contain much of a conversation because, for reasons which will become abundantly clear, I was left mostly speechless.  The backstory is that Eamon's after-school science group was painting plastic aprons (can we say 'busy work'?) and this is what my son came up with.   

Yes, you're seeing that clearly.  

He made a big red smear on his apron and wrote "murder" underneath. 

*sigh* 

Yeah, I'm expecting a call from the school psychologist any minute now! :P

~Bitty Conversations~

And now for a short break from our regularly-scheduled conversation, here's a conversation between me and one of our special library helpers today...

Helper:  <excitedly> "Ms. Brown, guess what I'm using!"

Me:  "What?"

Helper:  "A fitbit*!  I'm going to bring it up on your computer."

Me:  <looking at the info on the website in front of me>  "Honey, this website says that you weigh 10 lbs."

Helper:  <scoffing> "Well, I don't know how much I weigh, Ms. Brown!"

Me:  "Well, you definitely weigh more than 10 lbs."

Helper:  <indignantly>  "It was just a guess, Ms. Brown!"

Me:  "I know, honey, but you're a teenager so you definitely weigh more than 10 lbs.  You're at least 100 lbs but probably more... <realizing I'm getting nowhere>  Hey!  Whey don't you stop by the nurse's office and use her scale and then you can put the right amount down?"

Helper:  "Nah."

Me:  "Are you sure because I think she could..."

Helper:  "I don't want to."

Me:  "Oh, well, ok..."

Helper:  <types in 100 lbs for weight>

Me:  "Ok, sweetie, have a good day!"

*A fitbit is an electronic bracelet that is a pedometer/activity monitor which sends your data to a website to help you track your activity/calorie burning, etc. 

Btw, this kid is the perfect weight for his age/height and doesn't need a fitbit - I think he may have usurped his mom's Mother's Day present! - but he loves anything to do with technology and it just cracked me up that he thought 10 lbs was a good estimate for his teenage boy weight.  :) 

~Pressured Conversations~

While explaining to Eamon about the pressure bandage on my arm after giving blood today...

Me:  "And that's why if someone has a wound that's bleeding, you apply pressure to it, to help stop the bleeding."

Eamon:  "Well, that would have been helpful to know when I was little!"

Me:  "Oh?  Because now that you're so much older, you'll never get hurt again?"

Eamon:  <thoughtfully>  "I still might will.  Because I do keep hurting myself.  And that one time with Tristan's bloody lip..."

Me:  "What are you talking about?"

Eamon:  "You know, when we were in the three's class and Tristan's lip was bleeding?"

Me:  <sarcastically>  "Oh, yeah, that time, of course!  Yes, you could have applied pressure to Tristan's face and I'm sure that would have made everything better."

Hmm, knowing Eamon and his buddy Tristan, it was probably the application of sudden pressure to the face that made Tristan bleed in the first place!  ;) 

~Aged Conversations~

While chatting with Eamon about something I did for him today...

Me:  "See?!  Your old mom came through for you!"

Eamon:  "Wait, you're old?"

Me:  "Well, I figured you would think I am."

Eamon:  "How old are you anyway?"

Me:  <knowing this is a dangerous question>  "How old do I look?"

Eamon:  "Umm, thirty-seven?"

Me:  <teasing>  "What?!  I look that old?!"

Eamon:  <placatingly>  "No, that's young! <and then just giving up>  Well, it's kind of old-young."

Me:  "So I'm old-young?"

Eamon:  "Yeah."


Well, I guess that's better than him thinking I'm old-old. ;)

~Toothy Conversations~

Our usual pre-bedtime conversation...

Me:  "Did you brush your teeth?"

Eamon:  "Uh-huh."

Me:  "And floss?"

Eamon:  "Yep."

Me:  "Let me check.  Open up."

After nearly having to pry his mouth open to check...

Me:  "EAMON!"

Eamon:  <innocently> "What?"

Me:  "There is a CARROT stuck in your front teeth!  A WHOLE carrot!"

(Ok, it was more like a whole carrot sliver than a whole carrot but still!)

Eamon:  <uncomfortably silent at being caught in his badly executed tooth brushing & flossing> 

Me:  "If you brushed and flossed then why is there a CARROT stuck in your teeth?!"

Eamon:  "I don't know."

After being forced to brush and floss while under close surveillance...

Me:  "Good night, sweetie.  I love you.  <under my breath> Even though your teeth are going to rot out of your head."

Eamon:  "They will not!"

Me:  "Sure they will, unless you learn to start brushing and flossing properly.  But don't worry because then you can get some cool pointy metal teeth so you can look like a shark.  But you have to be at least 18 when you lose your teeth and get metal replacements so that I don't have to pay for them, ok?"

Eamon:  <resigned>  "Ok, fine."

Me:  "Sweet dreams!" 

Ok, so the carrot stuck in his teeth wasn't quite this big...

but close! ;) 

 

~Scratchy Conversations~

As I was trying to get Eamon to get into the shower...

Eamon:  <despondently> "Mommyyyy... can you come here?"

Me:  "What is it?"

Eamon:  "You have to come here."

Me:  "What do you have to tell me in the bathroom that you can't tell me in the TV room?"

Eamon:  "You just need to come here."

Even though it couldn't be too severe of a problem since he was calmly staring at me while standing naked in the hallway, I decided to go see what he wanted. 

Eamon:  <pointing sadly at three scraches on his ankle that he got several days ago while we were walking the dog and took a wrong turn through brambles>  "When are these scars going to go away?"

Me:  "Those are scratches, not scars and they will definitely be gone in three years, if not sooner."

Eamon:  "Three years!?  But I'll be eleven then!"

Me:  "I know.  And the scratches will be gone by then.  If not, I promise we'll go to the doctor."

Eamon:  *sigh*

Ahh, my little hypochondriac! ;) 

~Alert Conversations~

While discussing whether or not one of Eamon's classmates should join him in the ALERT (honors) program at school...

Eamon:  "Well, ALERT does help you step up a level to knowledge."

Me:  "Is that the program's motto?"

Eamon:  "No, I just made that up."

Me:  "Really?!"

Eamon:  "Yeah."

Me:  "I see."

Eamon then went on to expound on all the wonders of his ALERT program... 

Me:  "Why don't you tell your friend all of that and see if that convinces him?"

Eamon:  <seriously>  "Ok. I'll do my best to convince him to join ALERT."

Me:  <laughing at his exagerrated seriousness>  "Well, if anyone can do it, it's you!"

Eamon:  <solemnly>  "Thanks."

~Remote Conversations~

After work & school today...

Eamon:  <in his best whiny voice>  "When are we going to eat?!  I'm sooo hungryyyyy..."

Me:  "Soon.  Let me just finish..."

Eamon:  "I'm staaarrrving!"

Me:  "Ok, I'm done.  Let's go work on dinner."

Eamon:  <slightly surprised>  "But I'm watching this movie."

Me:  "Yes, and you can turn it off and come help me make dinner if you're so hungry."

Eamon:  <moment of silence>  "I don't know where the remote control is."

Me:  "So you're saying that since you can't find the remote control and, therefore, are unable to pause the movie that you have seen a million times before, you are unable to help me make the food that you have been whining for?"

Eamon:  <thinking>  "Um, yes?"

Me:  "Well, that's the great thing about DVD players!  And TVs!  They both have these little things on the front called BUTTONS than you can push with your FINGERS that makes them turn off so you can go on with your life!  Here, let's try it..."

Eamon:  *sigh*

Me:  <after getting Eamon to turn off the above-mentioned electronics>  "Oh, look how grown up my little man is, pushing buttons all by himself like a big boy!  Aww!"

Eamon:  "Could you please stop that?"

Me:  "Hey, dude, you're the one that suddenly lost the ability to operate household electronics."

~Friendly Conversations~

While having Eamon's friend sleepover...

Kal:  [muffled yet animated conversation coming from the bathroom where he is]

Eamon:  "Who is Kal talking to?"

Me :  "No clue."

The second that Kal comes out of the bathroom...

Eamon:  "Who were you talking to?  Do you have an imaginary friend?"

Kal:  <slightly defensive>  "First of all, how did you hear me in the bathroom?  Second, I DON'T have an imaginary friend!  I haven't talked to Augusta since I was five."

Eamon:  "You named your imaginary friend Augusta?"

Kal:  "Yeah, I don't know why I named her after the capital of Maine but I did."


Needless to say, it's been a long night.  When will 10:30am get here? :P

~Green Conversations~

While discussing St. Patrick's Day and the possiblity of being pinched for not wearing green...

Me:  "So did anyone pinch you today or did those green shamrock tattoos you were wearing take care of that?"

Eamon:  "No, no one pinched me.  And anyway, I don't think anyone in my class knows about the pinching thing."

Me:  "Really?  <under my breath> I figured the kids in your class would look for any excuse to inflict pain on others..."

Eamon:  "But I did tell some of the kids that I was half leprechaun!"

Me:  "Yeah?  Did they believe you?"

Eamon:  "Kind of.  But they wanted me to grant them wishes."

Me:  "What did you tell them?"

Eamon:  "I said I couldn't since I was only half leprechaun."

Me:  "And they believed you?"

Eamon:  "Yeah!"

Hmm, I'm starting to see how Eamon's classmates might have been a little confused... ;)  

~Batty Conversations~

While trying to iron this afternoon...

Me:  <noticing things whizzing past me and thunking to the ground>  "Eamon...?  Are you throwing things at me?!"

Eamon:  <innocently>  "Just batarangs.  And other stuff."

Me:  "So you're basically just launching whatever you can find in your room at me?"

Eamon:  "Yeah."

Sounds about right for a lazy Sunday afternoon... ;)

Update - 

Mark:  "At least he didn't wait until you were peeing to batarang you."

Me:  "Good point..."

~Chocolate Conversations~

While watching an old TV series...

Eamon:  "Hey, let's make hot chocolate!  Or chocolate milk!  Or hot chocolate!  Or chocolate milk!"

Mark:  "Yeah, I guess we can do that..."

Eamon:  <celebrates by twerking in his robe and knitted mukluks> "Yay!"

Mark:  "There is no twerking in my house, son!"  

~More Dated Conversations~

While talking on the phone to with my sister about my evening plans...

Me:  "I wanted to go downtown to see some old friends and this singer but Mark's working tonight.  I guess Eamon will have to be my date."

Eamon makes a horrified face at hearing his name and "date" in the same sentence.

Me:  <laughing>  "Wow, you should have seen his face.  I guess he doesn't like the idea of being my date."

Erica:  "Does he even know what a date is?"

Me:  "I think so...  Eamon, do you know what a date is?"

Eamon:  <long-suffering sigh>  "Yes."

Me:  "So what is so awful about being my date tonight?  Is it because I'm your mom or just a girl in general?"

Eamon:  "Both."

Me:  "Would you go on a date with your dad?"

Eamon:  "No. I mean, yes!"

Me:  "What?!  Why him and not me?"

Eamon:  <matter-of-factly> "He's cooler than you."

Me:  "Thanks a lot!  What abou Mema*?  Would you go on a date with Mema?"

Eamon:  "Can we please talk about something else?"

*Mema is his name for my mom


I'm sure Eamon will love having transcripts of these conversations later in life... it will probably make the therapys sessions go much quicker to not have to guess at the level of emotional damage I've done to him but to just read it right off the page. ;) 

~Manly Conversations~

And now for something completely different... some non-Eamon conversations!  (The following conversations took place this weekend, while our close friends Dan & Chevon were in town. You have to read Conversation One before really getting Conversation Two.)

Friday: Work Conversation Between Mark & Customer Picking Up a Yard Sign

Mark:  "What name is the order under?"

Female Customer:  "Smith."

Mark:  <after looking for a while>  "I'm sorry, ma'am, but I'm not seeing anything with that name.  Could it be under something else?"

FC:  "Maybe Cheryl?"

Mark:  <after looking under the new name>  "Can't find anything under that name either.  I'll keep looking... <a while longer>  We do have an order that fits the description but it's under the name 'Lynn'?"

FC:  "That's it!  I'm not surprised you couldn't find it - you are a man after all."

Mark:  <somewhat shocked>  "That's a really offensive comment."

FC:  <scoffing>  "Why?"

Mark:  "That's like me saying, 'Hey, little lady, do you have any pickle jars you need opened?'."

FC:  <rolls eyes and starts to walk out before turning to ask one more question>  "Are these signs hard to put in the ground?"

Mark:  <deadpan voice>  "Not if you're a man."


Sunday:  Conversation Between Myself and Our Friend Dan While Preparing to Move an Entertainment Center

Me:  "Oh, wait!  Before you and Rick and move that, you might want to unscrew that glass door from its hinges because when Chevon and I tried to move it, we realized that there's not really a good place to put your hand and get a grip if the door is still attached and I don't want you all to drop it so..."

Dan:  <long-suffering sigh coupled with patronizing stare>  "Um, no offense but... we're men."

Me:  <insulted>  "I was just trying to help!"

Dan:  <huge grin>  "Hey, little lady, why don't you go find a pickle jar for me to open after I move this?"

Me:  <knowing when I'm beaten>  "Fine!  Maybe I will!"


Much to my chagrin, the guys had just as little trouble moving the entertainment center as they predicted! :P  Regardless of their questionable attitudes on sexism (haha!), I'm glad all these guys are on my side! ;) 

~Earthy Conversations~

While looking at an atlas today...

Eamon:  "I'm really glad the earth isn't flat."

Me:  "Oh, yeah?"

Eamon:  "Because... falling off the edge.  Yeah."  

My kid, he's so deep. ;)  

~Snow Day Conversations~

After coming in from playing outside in the snow, I suggested that Eamon wear some dry gloves in the house until his hands warmed up.  Little did I know that I should have also explained snow-day/winter-wear/bathroom protocol...

Me:  "Eamon, did you flush?"

Eamon:  "Yeah."

Me:  "Did you wash your hands?"

Eamon:  <confused>  "Why?  I'm wearing gloves."

Me:  "What?!  You wore the gloves while going to the bathroom?!  You're supposed to take them off and then... Ew.  Just, ew."

Eamon:  <unconcerned>  "Ok, I will next time."  

~Problem Conversations~

Ok, so this isn't so much a conversation as it is me getting a kick out of the way Eamon interpreted his math homework.  But trust me, it's hilarious!  

The directions say, "Write a real-world problem involving multiple steps.  Then solve your problem."  For example, "Allie bought 3 notebooks and 2 boxes of pens and paid with $40.  How much change did she receive if the pens are $7 each and the notebooks are $3 each?"  (Just as a side note, Allie's really getting ripped off on the boxes of pens and who would give a third grader $40 to buy office supplies?!)  Anyway, Eamon's multiple step real-world problem was this:

"I bought 3 caucalators.  They are $10.  [and this is where he gets a little sidetracked] I also got R2-D2 because I wanted to see if R2-D2's caucalator was better, R2-D2 is $200 I paid with $300.  How much money do I get?  $70."

I believe THIS is the droid that Eamon is looking for but why he thinks it has a calculator 

or where he's planning to get $300, I have no idea. ;)  

~Manly Bun Conversations~

No, not those kinds of buns!  Hair buns.  Manly hair buns...

To really get this conversation, you need to understand the backstory so here it is:  Eamon loved wearing his hair long last year and desperately wants to grow it out again.  Why, you ask?  One word:  Thor.  And, really, doesn't that say it all?  

However, I, mean mom that I am, thwart him at every turn.  It's not even that I dislike the look of long hair on men and boys, although I do.  No, I thwart his hair growth because he can't stop himself from touching his hair.  Constantly.  Brushing it out of his face with first one hand.  And then the other.  And then both hands at once.  While he's supposed to be swimming, but is in fact sinking to the bottom of the lake/pool with nary a bubble, he's still brushing his perfect, golden, Thor-like locks out of his face.  And now that he's a yellow-tip belt in Tae Kwon Do and supposed to begin sparring soon, I imagine that he will also be brushing his bangs out of his eyes while he should be blocking punches.  

"Why don't you just tie it or clip it back?" you ask.  I tried.  Repeatedly!  However, my mini-Thor is much too manly for clips or barrettes and conveniently lost my elastic head band in Lake Murray in under 20 seconds.  So with all of that in mind, when I saw a link proclaiming that 2014 is the year of the Man Bun and included some of the accompanying photos, I had to share with Thor, Jr., in the hopes that he would not be a fan of the manly bun...  


Me:  "Eamon, if you're going to insist on growing your hair out again, you're going to have to wear it in a bun to keep it out of your face."

Eamon:  <studying the photos carefully and nodding seriously>  "Ok, but I'm gonna' need a beard."


Augh!!!  Curses!!!  Foiled again!!!!  

The full article and photos can be found here.

~Random Student Conversations~

And now for something completely different - a non-Eamon post! 

Randon Student at School Today:  "Um, can I ask you something?"

Me:  "Sure.  What's up?"

Randon Student:  "So... do you read?"

Me:  <wondering if this is a trick question since I AM a librarian afterall>  "Um, yeah...?"

RS:  "Like, a lot?"

Me:  "Yeah...?"

RS:  "Did you start when you were little?"

Me:  <wondering where in the heck this is going>  "Uh-huh...?"

RS:  "Oh.  Well, I just read this really good book."

Me:  <loving it when a student has a good reading experience>  "Cool!  What book?"

RS:  "The Deed of Paksenarrion.  Have you read it?"

Me:  "No, I haven't.  But it was really good, huh?  Do you think we should get it for the library?"

RS:  "Yeah.  My mom recommended it to me.  I'd never read such a... such a..."

Me:  <knowing where this is going now>  "Such an 'old' book?"

RS:  "Yeah!  And it was so good!"

Me:  <slightly sarcastically>  "Yep, 'old' books can be good too!  What, was it, like, from the '80s's or something?"

RS:  "Yeah, how'd you know?!"

Me:  <laughing now>  "Oh, geez!  Sweetie, I'm older than the '80's!  Thanks a lot!"

~Invented Conversations~

While driving in the car...

Eamon:  "I wonder what my school mascot will be when I'm in 6th, 7th, 8th, and 9th grades."

Me:  "Well, it depends on the school.  6th, 7th, & 8th grades will be one mascot for your middle school and then 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th will be another mascot for your high school."

Eamon:  "What grade is college?  13th?"

Me:  "No, freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior and those terms can be used for high school too."

Eamon:  "I can't wait to go to college!"

Me:  "And grad school!"

Eamon:  "That's weird that some people go to college for four years and some go for four days."

Me:  "Um, if they only went for four days, then they didn't finish."

Eamon:  "Oh.  I think I'll make my first invention in college.  Something easy at first.  What's an easy invention?"

Me:  "If it's easy, then it's probably already been invented."

Eamon:  "Ooh!  I know!  Live forever pills!"

Me:  "That's going to be your easy first invention?!"

Eamon:  "Yeah, they're small.  I'll just put everything that's good for you in one pill and I'll make thousands, millions, billions, trillions.  I read about people who eat fish and vegetables to be healthy but I don't like those."

~Chilly Conversations~

While picking Eamon up from afterschool care...

Me:  "Wow, you're wearing your jacket!  I thought you never got cold enough for that!"

Eamon:  "Mister Ken told me to put it on."

Me:  "So when Mister Ken tells you to wear your jacket, it's ok with you but when I tell you, it's not?"

Eamon:  "Well, it's just not cold enough when you tell me."

Me:  "I see.  And all the other times you have your jacket on?"

Eamon:  "I'm not actually cold then.  I just like the way it looks."

Me:  "Uh-huh.  And I suppose having your coat and hood done up over your face doesn't mean you're cold, just that you like the look?"

Eamon:  "Yep."

It's tough to be a slave to fashion... ;)