~Painted Conversations~

Today's Habitat for Humanity House Painting...

Good News: My 10 yr old was NOT the one who accidentally knocked a can of paint over onto the floor (nor was it me)! 

Bad News: Apparently 10 yr olds are only good for 1.5 hrs of painting before they start running in circles around the room, making one big roller-brush stripe around the middle of the walls, and repeatedly tossing a wooden paint-brush-extender into the air and (sometimes) catching it.  

Yep, time to go...

5 more minutes and he probably would have pulled a William Wallace 

and painted his face instead of just his clothes.  ;)  

~Banal Conversations~

Evening fun with the boys...

Eamon: "I AM BANE!"

Mark: "I WAS BORN IN THE DARKNESS... 

but now I have a flashlight!"

With these two as a tag team, I don't stand a chance!

moticon

~Schooled Conversations~

While getting ready to leave for the first day of school...

Me: "Omg, you look so cute today! I'm pretty sure someone's

going to want to be your girlfriend soon and if that happens, 

you say..."

Eamon: "NO!"

Me: "No, you say 'My mom needs to check your report card

first to make you have good grades before you can be my

girlfriend.'"

Eamon: *sigh* "I'm just going to say, "No."

Me: "Ok, for now. But eventually the grade check is going to

come into play."

Eamon: *sigh*

~Mannered Conversations~

After finishing my calzone breakfast while driving Eamon to camp... 

Me:  "Do I have anything on my face?"

Eamon:  "No."

Me:  "You didn't even look!"

Eamon:  "How could you get something on you?  You're always neat and clean and going like this <mimes prissily dabbing mouth with napkin>"

Me:  "Are you mocking me for using a napkin?!"

Eamon:  "Um, yeah."

Me:  "I've obviously failed as a parent if you think having table manners is a bad thing."

Yeah, this is probably more his speed. ;)

~Shady Conversations~

While getting ready for dinner after a long sweaty day hiking in a forest...

Mema:  "Dinner's almost ready and Eamon's even already taken his shower."

Me:  <doing a double take>  "But those are the sweaty clothes he was wearing earlier..."

Mema:  "Yeah, he wanted to put them back on."

Me:  "And you LET him?!"

Mema:  "Well, I thought he should put on fresh clothes but he said you all let him do that all the time."

Me:  "And you BELIEVED him?!"

Mema:  "Well..."

Me:  <to Mema>  "Just for the record, we do not let him put dirty clothes on after he's showered."  <to Eamon>  "When have we ever let you put dirty clothes back on after getting clean?"

Eamon:  <shrugs sadly, knowing he's caught>


Hmm, I wonder if there's any way I can blame Mark for our 10 year old not knowing he has to put on CLEAN clothes after showering... ;) 

~Moist Conversations~

After hours spent happily playing ball, riding bikes, and falling off scooters with an old friend's kids...

Me:  "Take your sweaty shirt off before you get in my car.  And you are definitely taking a shower when we get home!"

Eamon:  "What?!  But I already showered earlier today!"

Me:  "That was before you spent HOURS playing!  You are literally drenched in sweat!"

Eamon:  <disgustedly>  "That's why I hate going outside; then I have to shower."

Me:  "There are so many things wrong with that statement, I don't even know where to start..."

I foresee a long and difficult teenage era ahead. :P

~Shouldered Conversations~

After attempting to use Eamon as a pillow during a sleep-inducing $2 kids' movie...

Me:  "Eamon, you make a terrible pillow!  I'm going to need you to grow some broader shoulders soon.  And get taller so I don't have to lean over as far."

Eamon:  "I'm not going to have broad shoulders.  But I will get taller."

Me:  "Wait, why don't you think your shoulders are going to get any broader?"

Eamon:  "Well, my head's going to be really big and I don't want my shoulders to bump my head so my shoulders need to stay like they are now."

Me:  "You're so weird."

So apparently this is Eamon's ideal head-to-body ratio...

~Flying Conversations~

After a rogue fly was terrorizing me in the kitchen as we were heating up a leftover soufflé (for which Eamon had found the recipe)...

Me:  "Eamon, that fly is driving me crazy - kill it for me!"

Eamon:  "I cannot be distracted by flies when I'm eating soufflé."  

Me:  "Wait, what?!"

Eamon:  "That's man logic."


*sigh*  Eamon's understanding of masculinity is interesting, to say the least.  But from now on, I think I'm going to have to forbid he and Mark from conversing... ;) 

~Snacking Conversations~

After watching one too many infomercials...

Eamon:  "Those Snackeez cups are SO COOL!  I really want one."

Me:  "I'm not buying you one."

Eamon:  "I know... but can we just go to their website and look?"

Me:  "Fine."

Eamon:  <entranced>  "Look at all the colors!  If you order one, I could pay you back with my birthday money."

Me:  "Really?  Look, if you're sure you want to use your money, then why don't we just go to Bed, Bath, & Beyond and you can buy one there."

Eamon:  "YES!"

After making the pilgramage to Bed, Beth, & Beyond and making the poor sales lady dig through six boxes for the elusive green and orange Snackeez...

Me:  <feeling sure that the sales girl will stab us with a Snackeez straw if all that digging through boxes was for naught and we don't buy one>  "Buddy, they obviously don't have that color.  Do you think you could make do with one of the others?"

Eamon:  "Sure.  The blue and green is cool."

(Of course if he had chosen the blue and green cup at the first, there would have been no digging through boxes at all so I'm pretty sure the sales lady still wanted to impale us with a Snackeez)

Back in the car...

Eamon:  "This is SO cool!  Can you pass me the cooler for our picnic?  I'm going to start putting stuff in my Snackeez now..."

Me:  "No, it's dirty!  It has to be washed before you use it the first time."

Eamon:  "Oh, ok.  Yeah, it does say that here in the directions."

Me:  "There are directions for a cup with a straw?"

Eamon:  <excitedly>  "Yeah!  And good news:  it's dishwasher safe!  But only on the top shelf."

Me:  "Oh, well, that is important information.  Hey, that thing will come in handy for our road trip next week."

Eamon:  "I know!  That's what it's for!  So you don't have to use multiple cups and bowls!"

Me:  "Yes, well, using multiple containers in the car is a pain I guess..."

Eamon:  "You just have to make sure the bowl part is securely screwed in to the cup."

Me:  "Right."

Eamon:  "And it's BPA-free!"

Me:  "Well, that is good news."

So after calling Mark to inform him of the price of his Snackeez cup and the corresponding prices of related Snackeez items, we went home so that Eamon could put every conceivably edible item into his new "magic" cup.

The rare green-orange Snackeez...

~Loving Conversations~

While home on summer break...

Eamon:  "Mom, can I get on the computer when you're done?"

Me:  "No."

An hour later...

Eamon:  "So, can I get on the...?"

Me:  "No!  And turn the TV off too.  Go read or something."

Another hour later...

Eamon:  <trying to sneakily turn on the TV>

Me:  "No TV."

Eamon:  <sigh>  "So then can I get on the comp...?"

Me:  "Nope."

Later that afternoon...

Eamon:  "Do you think now that I could...?"

Me:  "Sure, let me sign you on to the computer right now."

Eamon:  <throws his arms around me excitedly>  "I love you."

Me:  "You just did that because I said you could use the computer, didn't you?"

Eamon:  <smiling innocently>  "I just like hugging."

Me:  "Uh-huh..."

 

~Queenly Conversations~

To all of the young ladies out there, I just want to say:  "You're welcome."  Not only have I raised my son to beat you at a rousing, yet fair, game of chess, but he will do so while protecting your wine glass from errant insect sneak-attacks, all while nodding his head in time to the Beastie Boys.  Again, you're welcome.  ;)  

~Itchy & Scratchy Conversations~

First thing this morning on our first day of summer...

Eamon:  <in his best sad/pathetic voice>  "Ever since I woke up, my throat's been kind of hurting."

Me:  "Aww, that's too bad, buddy.  Hopefully you'll feel better soon."

Eamon:  "Maybe... <suddenly brightening>  Is there medicine?!"

Me:  "You've had a scratchy throat for 5 seconds and you think you need medicine?  No!"

An hour later...

Eamon:  <hopefully>  "I know you wanted me and Rowan to do dishes but since I'm sick, maybe I shouldn't have to do the..."

Me:  "A slightly itchy throat will not get you out of doing dishes!"

Another hour later...

Me:  "So I know you'd been wanting to use your birthday money to do the zipline at the Zoo.  The time slots they have available today would be perfect but if your throat is still hurting..."

Eamon:  "ZIPLINE!  ZIPLINE!  YESSSS!!!"

I think it's safe to say that he rallied! ;)

~Clutched Conversations~

After loading the groceries and getting into the car...

Eamon: "I already put the key in for you but how come it wouldn't start?"

Me:  "Oh, that's because the clutch wasn't in.  You have to push down on the clutch while turning the ignition.  I also like to press to brake, although that isn't necessary.  It's just a good habit in case for some reason the car was in gear instead of neutral because you wouldn't want it to accidentally jump forward or backward when starting it.  So that's why I press the brake and the clutch when starting the... Wait a minute!  Why were you trying to start my car in the first place?!" 

Eamon:  <innocently>  "I just wanted to help you."

Me:  "Uh-huh... and I just gave you a how-to-steal-my-car tutorial!  AUGH!" 

I can't believe I'm already having to give him 

the "Don't drive my car" talk!

~Conversations With Accident Prone Husbands~

After a minor ax-sharpening accident...

Mark: "I damn near cut my finger off sharpening the ax."

Me: <quickly scanning for puddles of blood and missing digits> "Really?  How bad?

Mark: <holds up finger with one band-aid> "Not bad at all really."

Me: <relived> "Oh, good."

Mark: "See?" <flashes suddenly bandage-less bloody finger wound>

Me: "Wha...? AUGH!  You can't just spring that on me!  I'm eating!  I need warning!"

Mark: "I thought you were ready."

Me: "No, I wasn't! <deep breath> Ok, I'm ready now." 

Mark: <shows finger wound again>

Me: <leaning forward to inspect> "Ok, well, I guess it's not so ba..."

Mark: <bends finger suddenly and repeatedly causing the 'minor' wound to open back and forth>

Me: "AUGH! You can't just spring that on me!  I need warning!"

Mark: "I thought you were ready."

Me: "No, I wasn't!  Just so you know, I'm not paying for stitches." 

~Symmetrical Conversations~

"Lunch"

by Eamon Wood

Nope, no OCD over here... 

~Schooled Conversations~

While driving in the car...

Eamon: <with anticipation> "I can't believe how close I am to middle school!"

Me: "Umm..."

Eamon: "Well, four weeks left in this school year, the summer, 5th grade, and then... middle school! How long is middle school anyway?"

Me: "Three years."

Eamon: "Cool. Then... high school! How long is high school anyway?"

Me: "Four years."

Eamon: "And then... college! How long is college?"

Me: "Well, it's four years for the Bachelor's degree and then probaly two or three years for graduate school."

Eamon: "Yeah, graduate school!  Wow, that's about twelve years..."

Me: "But it's going to be awesome! Because college is awesome!"

Eamon: "Really? Most kids don't want to go to college but I can't wait for college!"

Me: "Wait, what?! Why do the kids you know not want to go to college?!"

Eamon: "Well, they don't like going to school so they probably don't want to go to college either. But I LOVE school!"

Me: <heart melting> "You're going to love college. Just imagine getting to choose all your classes AND what time you go to them! If you don't like getting up in the morning, you never have to again. All afternoon classes, all the time."

Eamon: "WHOOOAA!"

I think this kid just ate his teacher with his gigantic gaping maw... 

but otherwise, I think his level of excitement over school is the same as Eamon's!

~Slightly Braking Conversations~

While at Sesquicentennial Park today with my "intrepid" mountain-biker...

Eamon:  <after a mini wipeout on the bike>  "Ow. Ow.  I'm hurt."

Me:  "Are you bleeding?"

Eamon:  <with great disappointment after thoroughly checking himself over>  "Um, no.  Wait!  I just pulled a splinter out and now there is some!"

Me:  "Where?"

Eamon:  <triumphantly>  "On my finger!  See"

Me:  <squinting>  "Dude, that's the tiniest drop of blood I've ever seen."

Eamon:  "But it is blood."

Me:  "Get back on your bike."

10 minutes later...

Eamon:  <after obsessively checking his injury>  "Wow, I can't believe my wound has already quit bleeding!"

Me:  "That really didn't even qualify as an actual wound."

And then at every slight incline and/or turn on the trail...

Eamon:  "This is a big hill...  Ok, I'm slightly braking!  SLIGHTLY BRAKING!"

"Slightly braking" was our catch phrase of the day. ;)

Oh, and did I mention that we got lost?  Somehow the lake, which should have always been on our left, ended up... somewhere else!  After fording a raging... trickle of water that was too big to jump across while carrying a nine year old's bike, I ended up muddy and with my own bloody finger wound - worse than Eamon's I might add!  Near the end of our very own 45 minute death march we came across a big sandy hill/trail and Eamon shocked me by telling me he was going to drag his bike up it and then ride down.  He dragged the bike - and himself - up much further than I'd anticipated and then came pelting down, yelling, "SLIGHTLY BRAKING!" the whole way.  I probably should have told him beforehand that brakes really don't work on sand and pinestraw... Oops!  It was a spectacular wipeout at the end but I counted it as a win since he didn't end up in the ravine below.  Plus, no broken bike parts - or broken boy parts for that matter!  #winning!

~Conversations With Kids~

As one of our student helpers came up to the circulation desk, pushing a large cart and telling me he had to go retrieve materials for a teacher...

Student: <picks up a brand new copy of Critical Insights: The Slave Narrative>   "[mumble, mumble] ...taking this book...[mumble] outside."
Me:  "Wait, what?  Where are you going with that brand new book and why?"
Student:  "I have to get something for my teacher outside and I don't want the door to lock me out."
Me:  "And that has what to do with Critical Insights?"
Student:  "Well, I need something to prop the door open."
Me:  "And you were going to use our brand new library book for that?!"
Student:  "Well, yeah."

Yes, this is a much better use for the book 

than actually reading it... :P

~Past Conversations~

On our way to USC this morning...

Eamon:  <thoughtfully>  "I remember this place..."

Me:  "Well, I would hope so - we're downtown!"

Eamon:  "Yeah, I know.  <nostalgically>  I just like going to places from the past."

Me:  "From the past?!  We were just here last week!"

Eamon:  "Still..."

 

~Soup-er Conversations~

On the way to a friend's house for my highly-anticipated knitting lesson...

Eamon:  *sigh*  "I wish I'd brought a snack."

Me:  "What?!  You couldn't have thought about that before we left the house, which was 2 minutes ago?"

Eamon:  "No.  I wasn't hungry then."

Me:  "Well, of course not because you JUST HAD BREAKFAST!"

Eamon:  "I know but now I'm hungry."

After doing his best hungry-waif impression, thus scoring drinks and popcorn from Emily and Randy while I knitted, we finally made our way to a restaurant for lunch.  Apparently I did not exit the car quickly enough...

Eamon:  <whispering from the backseat>  "Food.  Fooooooood.  Food, food, foooood..."

Me:  "I'm going!  Give me a second to get out of the car."

While eating yummy won ton soup and drinking tasty Thai Iced Tea at Thailand on St. Andrews...

Eamon:  "This soup is so good!  And this tea is tasty.  I LOVE this soup!"  

Me:  "I'm glad you like it so much."  

Eamon:  "When I'm old enough to drive, I'm going to come here a lot of times."

Me:  "Sounds good to me."

As we were walking out with our leftovers...

Eamon:  "That soup was SO good!  I'm glad I have leftovers so I can have more of that really good soup.  I CAN'T WAIT until dinner!"

Me:  "You're already thinking about your next meal?!

Eamon:  Yep."

Mom's little walking appetite...  Would you be surprised if I told you that as we drove home, he was reading a cake-decorating manual? ;) 

 

~Plumbed Conversations~

The following is less of a conversation and more of a cautionary tale... 

Proud Mom Moment #236:  My son just invented yogic plumbing.  

While assisting Mark with installing a new flapper mechanism in the toilet tank, Eamon went into standing tree pose - on the rim of the open toilet seat - while holding plumbing accountrements inside the tank.  Although his yogic skills were good, his plumbing was not, prompting some instructional swear words from dad.  Try to contain your jealousy 'cuz these two are all mine. ;)  

~Masterful Conversations~

After this afternoon's ice skating adventure...

Eamon:  <gravely> "Well, I've mastered ice skating."

Me:  "Oh, really!?  You skated for an hour and now you're a master?"

Eamon:  "Well, yeah.  It's kind of like roller skating but that took me several days to master."

Me:  "Ok, look.  There are people who skate every day for years and some of those people could be considered masters and professionals but I don't think you skating for an hour [or less if you count the times we rested after the epic falls and tears] qualifies you as an ice skating master."

Eamon:  "But I skated on one foot."

Me:  *sigh*

How can you argue with "The Master?" ;)

~Be-GUY-ling Conversations~

While driving home from school and discussing the eagerly-anticipated upcoming Guys' Night...

Me:  "Oh, hey, actually I might not be going to my book club meeting tonight so can I join your Guys' Night?"

Eamon:  "Well, you'll have to ask Daddy and Rowan."

Me:  "What?!  Why...?"

Eamon:  "Well, Rowan had to get permission from Daddy to be a member of Guys' Night so I guess you do too."

Me:  <scoffing>  "Well, here's a little secret:  Daddy gets his permission from me so I say I'm in."

Eamon:  "I don't think so.  You have to pass the test like Rowan did.  Maybe you can ask her how she passed."

Me:  "Hmm, what characteristics do you, Rowan, and your Dad all have in common that would make you eligible for Guys' Night?  Not bathing regularly, inability to do laundry, and having to be told how to do everything...  Yeah, you're right - I'll totally fail the Guys' Night test!"

Whatever!  Girls are better anyway! ;) 

~Conversations With Meema~

While on our mini-break in Myrtle Beach after swimming in the hotel's indoor pools, which were teeming with screaming children btw...

Me:  "Sooo... you're not going to shower after your swim?"

Meema/Mom:  "Nah."

Me:  <innocently> "Oh, ok.  You don't mind not washing off all the pool chemicals - and kid pee?"

Meema/Mom:  <thinking for a minute>  "No, I'm good."

Me:  "Ok, cool.  Hey, Eamon?  Come sit over here with me tonight."

Ok, the pool didn't actually look like this - there were way more kids!  Ha!  Just kidding, our pool was not green at all - but there were a ton of kids.  And I actually really admire my mom's sense of fearlessness and joie de vivre but I do have to bust her chops now and then! ;)  

~Excel-lent Conversations~

The night before leaving for a mini-vacation...

Me:  "So Eamon, which of your stuffed animals are you going to bring on the trip?"

Eamon:  *sigh*  "I really need to make a chart." 

Meema:  "A chart? What for?"

Eamon:  "You know, so I can write down my stuff animals' names and then where I take each one of them on vacation?"

Me:  "So they each get equal travel time, right?"

Eamon:  "Yeah."

Meema:  <laughing>  "Well, I think there's room for you to take more than one on this trip."

Me:  "Do you want me to show you later how to make an Excel spreadsheet so you can keep track of your animals' travels in the future?"

Eamon:  <seriously>  "Yeah, that would be good."

Decisions, decisions... ;)