~Remote Conversations~

After work & school today...

Eamon:  <in his best whiny voice>  "When are we going to eat?!  I'm sooo hungryyyyy..."

Me:  "Soon.  Let me just finish..."

Eamon:  "I'm staaarrrving!"

Me:  "Ok, I'm done.  Let's go work on dinner."

Eamon:  <slightly surprised>  "But I'm watching this movie."

Me:  "Yes, and you can turn it off and come help me make dinner if you're so hungry."

Eamon:  <moment of silence>  "I don't know where the remote control is."

Me:  "So you're saying that since you can't find the remote control and, therefore, are unable to pause the movie that you have seen a million times before, you are unable to help me make the food that you have been whining for?"

Eamon:  <thinking>  "Um, yes?"

Me:  "Well, that's the great thing about DVD players!  And TVs!  They both have these little things on the front called BUTTONS than you can push with your FINGERS that makes them turn off so you can go on with your life!  Here, let's try it..."

Eamon:  *sigh*

Me:  <after getting Eamon to turn off the above-mentioned electronics>  "Oh, look how grown up my little man is, pushing buttons all by himself like a big boy!  Aww!"

Eamon:  "Could you please stop that?"

Me:  "Hey, dude, you're the one that suddenly lost the ability to operate household electronics."

~Friendly Conversations~

While having Eamon's friend sleepover...

Kal:  [muffled yet animated conversation coming from the bathroom where he is]

Eamon:  "Who is Kal talking to?"

Me :  "No clue."

The second that Kal comes out of the bathroom...

Eamon:  "Who were you talking to?  Do you have an imaginary friend?"

Kal:  <slightly defensive>  "First of all, how did you hear me in the bathroom?  Second, I DON'T have an imaginary friend!  I haven't talked to Augusta since I was five."

Eamon:  "You named your imaginary friend Augusta?"

Kal:  "Yeah, I don't know why I named her after the capital of Maine but I did."


Needless to say, it's been a long night.  When will 10:30am get here? :P

~Green Conversations~

While discussing St. Patrick's Day and the possiblity of being pinched for not wearing green...

Me:  "So did anyone pinch you today or did those green shamrock tattoos you were wearing take care of that?"

Eamon:  "No, no one pinched me.  And anyway, I don't think anyone in my class knows about the pinching thing."

Me:  "Really?  <under my breath> I figured the kids in your class would look for any excuse to inflict pain on others..."

Eamon:  "But I did tell some of the kids that I was half leprechaun!"

Me:  "Yeah?  Did they believe you?"

Eamon:  "Kind of.  But they wanted me to grant them wishes."

Me:  "What did you tell them?"

Eamon:  "I said I couldn't since I was only half leprechaun."

Me:  "And they believed you?"

Eamon:  "Yeah!"

Hmm, I'm starting to see how Eamon's classmates might have been a little confused... ;)  

~Batty Conversations~

While trying to iron this afternoon...

Me:  <noticing things whizzing past me and thunking to the ground>  "Eamon...?  Are you throwing things at me?!"

Eamon:  <innocently>  "Just batarangs.  And other stuff."

Me:  "So you're basically just launching whatever you can find in your room at me?"

Eamon:  "Yeah."

Sounds about right for a lazy Sunday afternoon... ;)

Update - 

Mark:  "At least he didn't wait until you were peeing to batarang you."

Me:  "Good point..."

~Chocolate Conversations~

While watching an old TV series...

Eamon:  "Hey, let's make hot chocolate!  Or chocolate milk!  Or hot chocolate!  Or chocolate milk!"

Mark:  "Yeah, I guess we can do that..."

Eamon:  <celebrates by twerking in his robe and knitted mukluks> "Yay!"

Mark:  "There is no twerking in my house, son!"  

~More Dated Conversations~

While talking on the phone to with my sister about my evening plans...

Me:  "I wanted to go downtown to see some old friends and this singer but Mark's working tonight.  I guess Eamon will have to be my date."

Eamon makes a horrified face at hearing his name and "date" in the same sentence.

Me:  <laughing>  "Wow, you should have seen his face.  I guess he doesn't like the idea of being my date."

Erica:  "Does he even know what a date is?"

Me:  "I think so...  Eamon, do you know what a date is?"

Eamon:  <long-suffering sigh>  "Yes."

Me:  "So what is so awful about being my date tonight?  Is it because I'm your mom or just a girl in general?"

Eamon:  "Both."

Me:  "Would you go on a date with your dad?"

Eamon:  "No. I mean, yes!"

Me:  "What?!  Why him and not me?"

Eamon:  <matter-of-factly> "He's cooler than you."

Me:  "Thanks a lot!  What abou Mema*?  Would you go on a date with Mema?"

Eamon:  "Can we please talk about something else?"

*Mema is his name for my mom


I'm sure Eamon will love having transcripts of these conversations later in life... it will probably make the therapys sessions go much quicker to not have to guess at the level of emotional damage I've done to him but to just read it right off the page. ;) 

~Manly Conversations~

And now for something completely different... some non-Eamon conversations!  (The following conversations took place this weekend, while our close friends Dan & Chevon were in town. You have to read Conversation One before really getting Conversation Two.)

Friday: Work Conversation Between Mark & Customer Picking Up a Yard Sign

Mark:  "What name is the order under?"

Female Customer:  "Smith."

Mark:  <after looking for a while>  "I'm sorry, ma'am, but I'm not seeing anything with that name.  Could it be under something else?"

FC:  "Maybe Cheryl?"

Mark:  <after looking under the new name>  "Can't find anything under that name either.  I'll keep looking... <a while longer>  We do have an order that fits the description but it's under the name 'Lynn'?"

FC:  "That's it!  I'm not surprised you couldn't find it - you are a man after all."

Mark:  <somewhat shocked>  "That's a really offensive comment."

FC:  <scoffing>  "Why?"

Mark:  "That's like me saying, 'Hey, little lady, do you have any pickle jars you need opened?'."

FC:  <rolls eyes and starts to walk out before turning to ask one more question>  "Are these signs hard to put in the ground?"

Mark:  <deadpan voice>  "Not if you're a man."


Sunday:  Conversation Between Myself and Our Friend Dan While Preparing to Move an Entertainment Center

Me:  "Oh, wait!  Before you and Rick and move that, you might want to unscrew that glass door from its hinges because when Chevon and I tried to move it, we realized that there's not really a good place to put your hand and get a grip if the door is still attached and I don't want you all to drop it so..."

Dan:  <long-suffering sigh coupled with patronizing stare>  "Um, no offense but... we're men."

Me:  <insulted>  "I was just trying to help!"

Dan:  <huge grin>  "Hey, little lady, why don't you go find a pickle jar for me to open after I move this?"

Me:  <knowing when I'm beaten>  "Fine!  Maybe I will!"


Much to my chagrin, the guys had just as little trouble moving the entertainment center as they predicted! :P  Regardless of their questionable attitudes on sexism (haha!), I'm glad all these guys are on my side! ;) 

~Earthy Conversations~

While looking at an atlas today...

Eamon:  "I'm really glad the earth isn't flat."

Me:  "Oh, yeah?"

Eamon:  "Because... falling off the edge.  Yeah."  

My kid, he's so deep. ;)