~Holey Moley Conversations~

After finding a dead baby mole in the yard yesterday...

Me:  "Ooh, Eamon.  I just found a dead baby mole.  Wanna' see it before the dogs realize it's here?"

Eamon:  "Ew, gross!  Yeah, I'll be there as soon as I get down from the tree."

Me:  "Quick!  Here come the dogs!  Ack!  No, Ziggy, NO!  <trying to block the spot with my legs> Do not lay on the dead baby mole!  Get off!  NO!  Do NOT roll over on it!"

Eamon:  <studying the dead baby mole>  "Aww, that's kind of sad.  But it's cool too.  I think you should pick it up and get rid of it like Daddy did the dead bird before the dogs eat it."

Me:  "Good idea.  Except unlike you're dad, I'm not touching a dead animal.  Why don't you get me the shovel and I'll guard it so the dogs don't get it."

Eamon:  <runs to get shovel> "OK!" 

As I carried the dead baby mole in the shovel to the back of the yard, I suddenly had the undivided attention of both dogs...

Eamon:  "You know, Mommy, I think Max is sad about the baby mole being dead and that's why he's following so close behind you."

Me:  "Yeah, that's it.  He's sad about the mole - sad that he didn't get to eat it..."

~Poké-Bacon Conversations~

After checking out a 300+ pages book from the library for Eamon's school project (which is way too advanced for a 2nd grader)...

Me:  <sarcastically> "Well, here's your reading homework for tonight!"

Eamon:  "What?!  I have to read all of that?!"

Me:  "No, just kidding.  It will be me doing the reading and then explaining it to you.  But you could probably read a book this big if it was abo..."

Eamon:  "BACON!!!!"

Me:  <surprised>  "You would read a 300 page book about bacon?"

Eamon:  "Well, no, not really.  Maybe if it was about Pokémon.  Ooh, Poké-Bacon!"

Me:  "You would read a 300 page book about Poké-Bacon?"

Eamon:  "Well, no, because I like Pokémon and I wouldn't want them to be turned into bacon.  But I would read a book that big about Pokémon."

Me:  "Good enough."

~Legendary Conversations~

While watching the Wild Kratts TV show on PBS about lions...

Eamon:  "I'm going to start a new legend."

Me:  "Really?  About what?

Eamon:  "Carnivores and why they started eating meat."

Me:  "Ok, and this new legend is..."

Eamon:  "Well, see, the animals starting teasing the lions about how they looked so the lions ate them and became carnivores and ever since then, they eat those animals."

Me:  "So you're saying that in your legend, certain animals were bullying the lions and the lions ate the bullies and have been eating them ever since."

Eamon:  "Yep, that's the legend I'm going to start."

Me:  "Sounds reasonable..."

~Pokemon Conversations~

While heading into the store to pick up a few things...

Eamon:  "Mommy, if I do all my chores when we get home, will you buy me a set of Pokémon cards?" 

Me:  "What?! No, of course not!"

Eamon:  "Why not?"

Me:  "Because you have to do all of your chores anyway.  Without getting a reward!"

Eamon:  "Well, how about you buy me some Pokémon cards and then when we get home I'll do something like play with just my toys?"  <as opposed to whining about wanting to get on the computer or watch TV>

Me:  "You're not understanding how this whole bribery thing works.  You're supposed to offer me something that I couldn't normally get on my own in exchange for me buying you those cards."

Eamon:  "Ok, so you buy me the cards and I'll..."

Me:  "I didn't say that it was going to work, I'm just saying that's how it would be done."

Eamon:  "So..."

Me:  "No!" 

He's a persistent little thing... ;)

~Dr's Office Conversations~

While at the Dr's office for a VERY minor cough...

Eamon:  <sighing pathetically>  "I hope that one day <whimper> I won't have this cough any more..."

Me:  <laughing at his melodrama>

Eamon:  "What!?  I've had this cough for many, many months, Mommy."

Me:  <laughing harder>

Eamon:  "WHAT!?  I've been coughing since 2012!  And my heart huts..."

I suddenly realized that if he continued to lay it on this thick, the doctor might send us for an EKG, MRI, spinal tap, and any other test they could charge lots of money for...

Me:  "Hey, you know what?  This room would be an awesome practice spot for your 4 Directional Block move that you need to practice for Tae Kwon Do!"

Eamon:  "Really?"

Me:  "Yeah!  You should totally practice that." 

Eamon:  "Ok!  <completes the martial arts form>  Did you know that I can fight four people at once with that move?!"

Me:  "Really?  Awesome!  If you're fighting four people at once, you need to be really fast so now practice that as fast as you can possibly go!"

Eamon:  "Ok!"

Me:  "Now show the doctor your move."

Eamon:  "OK!!"

Doctor:  <five minutes later>  "His heart sounds perfect.  Give him some allergy meds and he'll be fine." 


Successfully avoided the EKG/MRI/spinal tap combo once more - parenting win!  ;) 

~Knowledgeable Conversatinos~

While discussing reading...

Me:  "Can you believe some people don't like to read?"

Eamon:  "Ok."

Me:  "Eamon, seriously, can you believe there are people out there don't like to read?!  Isn't that weird?"

Eamon:  "Ok."

Me:  "Quit answering 'Ok' to everything I say!  I'm asking you a question.  " 

Eamon:  <sighing>  "I don't know the answer to everything, Mommy."

Ok, well, the kid's got me there! ;) 

~Movie Conversations~

While getting ready to drop off a DVD...

Me:  "Hey, do you know where the movie is so we can take it back?"

Eamon:  "What movie?"

Me:  "You know, the one we watched last night?"

Eamon:  "You mean 'Three Black Men'?"

Me:  <blinking>  "Um, no, it's called 'Men in Black Three'!"

Eamon:  "Oh, right..." 

~Fatherly Conversations~

While walking the dogs at the park and hearing someone - or something - pass gas...

Mark:  "Ziggy!" 

Eamon:  "Daddy, that was not Ziggy.  It was you."

Mark:  "Son, the first rule of being a guy is that if you pass gas and there's a dog nearby, always blame the dog!  They can't defend themselves."

Eamon:  "Ohhhhh..." 


Also, I'm betting the dogs don't care if they get blamed for that. ;)

~Dig this Conversation~

After noticing a few new holes in the yard, I saw Max starting yet another one...

Me:  "Max!  No digging!  Bad Max! NO!"

Eamon:  <patiently> "But, mommy, digging is Max's life." 

Me:  "What?!  No, eating and getting his butt rubbed and fighting with Ziggy are Max's life." 

Eamon:  "But after those things, digging IS Max's life."

Me:  "Maybe.  But if he wants to continue to have a life, Max better stick to his already-dug holes..."