~Itchy & Scratchy Conversations~

First thing this morning on our first day of summer...

Eamon:  <in his best sad/pathetic voice>  "Ever since I woke up, my throat's been kind of hurting."

Me:  "Aww, that's too bad, buddy.  Hopefully you'll feel better soon."

Eamon:  "Maybe... <suddenly brightening>  Is there medicine?!"

Me:  "You've had a scratchy throat for 5 seconds and you think you need medicine?  No!"

An hour later...

Eamon:  <hopefully>  "I know you wanted me and Rowan to do dishes but since I'm sick, maybe I shouldn't have to do the..."

Me:  "A slightly itchy throat will not get you out of doing dishes!"

Another hour later...

Me:  "So I know you'd been wanting to use your birthday money to do the zipline at the Zoo.  The time slots they have available today would be perfect but if your throat is still hurting..."

Eamon:  "ZIPLINE!  ZIPLINE!  YESSSS!!!"

I think it's safe to say that he rallied! ;)

~Clutched Conversations~

After loading the groceries and getting into the car...

Eamon: "I already put the key in for you but how come it wouldn't start?"

Me:  "Oh, that's because the clutch wasn't in.  You have to push down on the clutch while turning the ignition.  I also like to press to brake, although that isn't necessary.  It's just a good habit in case for some reason the car was in gear instead of neutral because you wouldn't want it to accidentally jump forward or backward when starting it.  So that's why I press the brake and the clutch when starting the... Wait a minute!  Why were you trying to start my car in the first place?!" 

Eamon:  <innocently>  "I just wanted to help you."

Me:  "Uh-huh... and I just gave you a how-to-steal-my-car tutorial!  AUGH!" 

I can't believe I'm already having to give him 

the "Don't drive my car" talk!

~Conversations With Accident Prone Husbands~

After a minor ax-sharpening accident...

Mark: "I damn near cut my finger off sharpening the ax."

Me: <quickly scanning for puddles of blood and missing digits> "Really?  How bad?

Mark: <holds up finger with one band-aid> "Not bad at all really."

Me: <relived> "Oh, good."

Mark: "See?" <flashes suddenly bandage-less bloody finger wound>

Me: "Wha...? AUGH!  You can't just spring that on me!  I'm eating!  I need warning!"

Mark: "I thought you were ready."

Me: "No, I wasn't! <deep breath> Ok, I'm ready now." 

Mark: <shows finger wound again>

Me: <leaning forward to inspect> "Ok, well, I guess it's not so ba..."

Mark: <bends finger suddenly and repeatedly causing the 'minor' wound to open back and forth>

Me: "AUGH! You can't just spring that on me!  I need warning!"

Mark: "I thought you were ready."

Me: "No, I wasn't!  Just so you know, I'm not paying for stitches." 

~Symmetrical Conversations~

"Lunch"

by Eamon Wood

Nope, no OCD over here... 

~Schooled Conversations~

While driving in the car...

Eamon: <with anticipation> "I can't believe how close I am to middle school!"

Me: "Umm..."

Eamon: "Well, four weeks left in this school year, the summer, 5th grade, and then... middle school! How long is middle school anyway?"

Me: "Three years."

Eamon: "Cool. Then... high school! How long is high school anyway?"

Me: "Four years."

Eamon: "And then... college! How long is college?"

Me: "Well, it's four years for the Bachelor's degree and then probaly two or three years for graduate school."

Eamon: "Yeah, graduate school!  Wow, that's about twelve years..."

Me: "But it's going to be awesome! Because college is awesome!"

Eamon: "Really? Most kids don't want to go to college but I can't wait for college!"

Me: "Wait, what?! Why do the kids you know not want to go to college?!"

Eamon: "Well, they don't like going to school so they probably don't want to go to college either. But I LOVE school!"

Me: <heart melting> "You're going to love college. Just imagine getting to choose all your classes AND what time you go to them! If you don't like getting up in the morning, you never have to again. All afternoon classes, all the time."

Eamon: "WHOOOAA!"

I think this kid just ate his teacher with his gigantic gaping maw... 

but otherwise, I think his level of excitement over school is the same as Eamon's!

~Slightly Braking Conversations~

While at Sesquicentennial Park today with my "intrepid" mountain-biker...

Eamon:  <after a mini wipeout on the bike>  "Ow. Ow.  I'm hurt."

Me:  "Are you bleeding?"

Eamon:  <with great disappointment after thoroughly checking himself over>  "Um, no.  Wait!  I just pulled a splinter out and now there is some!"

Me:  "Where?"

Eamon:  <triumphantly>  "On my finger!  See"

Me:  <squinting>  "Dude, that's the tiniest drop of blood I've ever seen."

Eamon:  "But it is blood."

Me:  "Get back on your bike."

10 minutes later...

Eamon:  <after obsessively checking his injury>  "Wow, I can't believe my wound has already quit bleeding!"

Me:  "That really didn't even qualify as an actual wound."

And then at every slight incline and/or turn on the trail...

Eamon:  "This is a big hill...  Ok, I'm slightly braking!  SLIGHTLY BRAKING!"

"Slightly braking" was our catch phrase of the day. ;)

Oh, and did I mention that we got lost?  Somehow the lake, which should have always been on our left, ended up... somewhere else!  After fording a raging... trickle of water that was too big to jump across while carrying a nine year old's bike, I ended up muddy and with my own bloody finger wound - worse than Eamon's I might add!  Near the end of our very own 45 minute death march we came across a big sandy hill/trail and Eamon shocked me by telling me he was going to drag his bike up it and then ride down.  He dragged the bike - and himself - up much further than I'd anticipated and then came pelting down, yelling, "SLIGHTLY BRAKING!" the whole way.  I probably should have told him beforehand that brakes really don't work on sand and pinestraw... Oops!  It was a spectacular wipeout at the end but I counted it as a win since he didn't end up in the ravine below.  Plus, no broken bike parts - or broken boy parts for that matter!  #winning!

~Conversations With Kids~

As one of our student helpers came up to the circulation desk, pushing a large cart and telling me he had to go retrieve materials for a teacher...

Student: <picks up a brand new copy of Critical Insights: The Slave Narrative>   "[mumble, mumble] ...taking this book...[mumble] outside."
Me:  "Wait, what?  Where are you going with that brand new book and why?"
Student:  "I have to get something for my teacher outside and I don't want the door to lock me out."
Me:  "And that has what to do with Critical Insights?"
Student:  "Well, I need something to prop the door open."
Me:  "And you were going to use our brand new library book for that?!"
Student:  "Well, yeah."

Yes, this is a much better use for the book 

than actually reading it... :P